Sunlight broke through the curtains and fell on the Love bed. She was lying with her back to me and wrapped in a quilt. I ran my eyes along the line of her bare shoulders and felt calm.
A moment later, she opened her eyes. We got up and went to the bathroom. When I got back I smelled coffee and she hugged me from behind.
Later, when I thought about peace, it reminded me of this picture. In my head, peace was always shaped like her arms.
At that point, I thought I loved her, but then I knew a lot more SharekAlomre.com about breaking relationships than making them work. I thought that to love meant looking at such pictures, feeling that everything was in its place and believing that it would always be like that.
Today I know that if you believe it, you are guaranteed that it will stop working soon. Loving is not about how you feel (and it certainly isn’t just about that). It’s not just about cute scenes, pouting sweets and breakfast in bed. It’s all about how you treat the other person. For behavior and deeds, not for words and declarations .
So what exactly does “love” mean?
1. Don’t take the other person for granted
Most people believe in love at first sight. I believe in her too. Then your legs bend under you, your voice trembles, and the word “Yes” uttered on the proposal to take a coffee is more beautiful than a poem read in French.
However, while hundreds of people are talking about whether such love exists, I bet no one raises the topic of hate from one glance. Meanwhile, just as quickly we can become incredibly close to each other, we can become strangers just as quickly.
It doesn’t happen overnight, but there is such an amount of neglecting, ignoring, and making empty promises that sometimes it takes just one gesture to cross a point without turning back. To love means to do everything not to exceed these points. Not to lead to a situation where SharekAlomre something breaks in us and makes us no longer able to look at someone as before.
2. Consider her feelings important – Love
There is a saying that when one person has a problem in a relationship, it means there is a problem in the relationship.
To love means to take it into account, because when you listen to it and then answer: “You exaggerate”, “You make it up” or “Somehow I do not mind,” you directly state that you are not interested in how the other person feels and how you can to change it.
Meanwhile, it’s not that when someone says something does not suit him, he says it for fun. He says this because some of the emotional needs of that person are not being met.
3. Understand that two people are responsible for love
One person can do the vacuuming, vacation and home repairs, and the other can do the washing up, organizing and booking doctor appointments.
These activities, like many others, can be safely attributed to one person. However, the responsibility for love is not theirs. It is either a joint work or nobody’s work.
4. Talk to yourself
I know. It doesn’t feel like any special love, but if you just take a look at what’s behind it, things will change.
Talking about what’s not working (and how you can work it out) instead of arguments, accusations, or “quiet days” doesn’t sever ties, and hurtful words don’t spill over open wounds like salt. It lets you find out what the other person is thinking and feeling, instead of making up your mind about what the other person is thinking and feeling. You keep you close to each other. You keep up with the changes taking place in someone’s life.
Apparently, a conversation is just a banal exchange of views, but at the same time it is the simplest and most important thing you can do for yourself, for the other person and for your relationship.
5. Let her approach you
Perhaps you are familiar with this test – you are standing in front of your partner. You keep your eyes closed and you roll back, believing that this person will catch you.
It’s a nice test of trust and a great metaphor for a relationship.
Because you see, relationships are risky. The person you emotionally expose yourself to can hurt you more than anyone else.
I felt it with every cell of my body, so I avoided intimacy for years, entering into relationships with only one foot, and ready to withdraw at any moment without suffering emotional loss. Thanks to this, I knew that I would not lose anything, but I also gained little from it. Only when you decide to take off your armor are you able to experience all the advantages of a close relationship. Only thanks to this will you feel what it means to be friends in a relationship and to feel that you are together in everything.
6. Look at what’s good in it – Love
The relationship we have towards someone is divided into several stages.
At first, only the advantages are seen. When a relationship is in crisis, you see almost nothing but flaws. However, when such a relationship ends in a break-up, you often see not only the shortcomings, but also everything the other person has done for us. All her endeavors fell into void. Attempts to save situations that were unnecessary for you. Gestures of support and affection that were so natural to you that they were practically worthless.
But to love someone means not to lose sight of it. Don’t let the minuses obscure the pros. Being able to look at this person as if you don’t already have one and, most importantly, not treat them as an enemy on your way to happiness.
7. Be ready to overcome difficulties
Only death, taxes, and the fact that this calmness and tenderness that you initially feel will someday be disturbed are certain. Conflicts and quarrels will arise. Other priorities. Mistakes made. Diseases. Stress. The only thing missing from this list is the biblical locust.
However, if you love someone, you are ready to overcome these problems. You don’t see them as something that takes away the meaning of the relationship, but as obstacles that appear in every relationship and worth overcoming in order to be with someone.
8. Don’t want to hurt the person – Love
An obvious point, but used too rarely . In the sphere of declarations, many people say that they will give someone a star from the sky. Maybe that’s true, but it turns out that as long as they don’t have that star, they’ll be giving her a cling, undermining her self-esteem and saying things that only hurt her.
9. Treat it as a human being, not as your property
Loving someone doesn’t mean putting that person on a pedestal behind bulletproof glass. Rather, you want this person to fulfill themselves, learn and try something new.
So, instead of clipping its wings, you have to leave room for it to grow. You can’t keep saying, “I’m worried about you,” and asking, “What if it doesn’t work?” It may be some form of tenderness, but one that takes away strength and builds up fear. So if someone is important to you, you have to learn to say two words – they are: “I believe in you.”
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10. Work on yourself for someone – Love
Understand that you are not perfect (no one is), but strive to be better.
Why? The reason is trivial – because you contribute to the relationship what your life is like. If you don’t care to make it better, then you make yourself give the other person your problems and ineffective behaviors tied with a bow. Is this something you want for this person?
You can spend your life on autopilot, make the same mistakes over and over again, and spend no time reflecting on your behavior. However, if you wish well for the person you are with and for your relationship, you work through your automatic reactions and patterns of behavior learned from home. You are changing. You learn to function better.